God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
