At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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