mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize