I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
