i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
