my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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