i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You should frame my arrest warrant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
