Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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