just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
