Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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