and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
