Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
