i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize