you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
