Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
