you didnt know i had herpes?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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