Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
