you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
