i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
