I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
