I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize