I just saw a hot homeless man
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
