Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
its not stalking. its research.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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