I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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