I just pynch a tree in the face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
