Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
