Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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