Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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