A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
