went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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