I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
