I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
