For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize