It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
