We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
