I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize