I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
