That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
