In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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