I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
