I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
