I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
