I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
did i just pee glitter
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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