So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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