oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
