its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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