i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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