"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
