dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
40s are totally the cure
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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