Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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