I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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