somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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