I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
