And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
