no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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