It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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