Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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