the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
