just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
