I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My ass is underappreciated
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These tits shall not be calmed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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