You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
