If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
