I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
