I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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