I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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